Welcome back to #EZTin3D. This post is titled "Jealous Girl" because I think that this is a trait I have that some people sums it up well. I hate that I have it but I want to put it out there and see if anyone can relate. Regardless of whether I get over it, I think it is important to acknowledge it.
Dear Dumb Diary,
I HATE WHEN "UNDESERVING" GIRLS GET ATTENTION FROM THE PEOPLE I LOVE
This can be anything from an idol getting into a relationship with someone who I think does not deserves him, to just having my partner give time/care/concern/effort to other girls. But the keyword here is, there have to be "unworthy" via my barometer. I'm realizing that it bothers me a great deal.
It's easy to say that I feel "insecure" or have low self-esteem, but rather I'd like to think of it as I feel cheated. As though it's a form of entitlement that was taken away from me. And no, there is no "abundance mindset" about this.
Unless one has unlimited time, energy and money, once it's spent somewhere it usually ends there and doesn't replenish fast enough if it ever to be placed elsewhere.
Personal Reflection
Growing up I've been told that if I were to do ABC I will get a good partner that will be like XYZ. Lately it seems that there are many girls out there who can't even do AB and yet they seem to be getting WXYZ. It's so unfair.
There are many other factors that contribute to this, such as my strict background and how they usually separate similar-aged groups via gender. So when my partner gives another girl remotely any interest, it bothers me so much!
Whenever I express my displeasure, it always seem that they want to do what they want which happens to be in line with making other girls happy. It hurts a lot knowing that they would rather cater to other women than their own partner.
It's not that I care about what other people say as well. If a neighbour comes to me saying my lover has been seen chatting with other girls, I'm not bothered that they might have a bad impression of him. Moreso, I am just annoyed that he finds the need to be resourceful to others.
It's as though I think I am more than enough; there is no point to look for validation in other girls. Should I be insufficient, then just go find and be with other girls. I dread every moment that I have to share my loved ones with someone else, especially if they didn't have to put in the work.
Conclusion
For me, it's really never about being controlling. If you've never experienced hurt from seeing someone you love caring for someone undeserving, I hope your life stays that way.
I'm not responsible for what others want to do. I can't stop myself from feeling upset when I see some people getting the love they don't deserve either.
Maybe one day I'll find my people who'll appreciate me in the way I wish my boundaries to be respected. Till that day, I will just keep being myself - steadfast in my morals. 👽
© EZTS8.
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